In the garden of love: Understanding Why to Marry

Many rush to plant seeds of marriage without asking, “Why do I want to marry?” Their motivation is only age, pressure, loneliness, or even lust mistaken for love. However, the heart of marriage, especially Christian marriage, is not about the need to marry but about the purpose behind it.

If you’ve ever sat in a quiet room, watching friends get married, and asked yourself, “Why should I marry?” you are already on an important journey. This question deserves careful thought. It relates to destiny, purpose, and divine intention.

God’s Original Blueprint Genesis 2:18 reveals the first mention of marriage: “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” This wasn’t about Adam being lonely at night or needing someone to cook for him. It was about partnership in purpose; a companion to walk alongside and fulfill God’s mission on earth together.

From the beginning, marriage was:

• For companionship: To journey through life with a confidant, partner, and best friend.
• For completeness in purpose: To help one another fulfill God’s assignment. Adam could not fully reflect God’s relational nature alone.
• For reflection of God’s love: Marriage symbolizes Christ’s love for the Church: unconditional, sacrificial, and eternal.

Let’s look at some common but flawed reasons:

• I’m tired of being lonely: Loneliness is real, but marriage is not a solution. Many married people feel lonely because they never built an emotional connection.
• Everyone my age is married: Marriage is not a trend. When your reason is comparison, you risk settling for less than God’s best.
• I need someone to take care of me: Dependence is a fragile foundation. Marriage should be about mutual support, not one-sided needs. Instead, shape your reason by God’s truth.

Think of marriage as a ministry before it becomes a milestone. Together, you and your spouse should represent the Gospel; grace, forgiveness, patience, and love. Ephesians 5:25 instructs husbands to love their wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up. This is a significant calling. Marriages based on lust, money, or desperation break under stress. But a marriage founded on purpose endures through challenges.

Consider Peter and Sarah, a Christian couple called to missions. Their decision to marry wasn’t just about attraction; it was about a shared calling. Together, they planted churches, raised orphans, and led many to Christ. They often say, “We are not just married; we are on assignment.” Imagine if every Christian couple asked, “What has God brought us together for?” The revival that could sweep through families and churches would be profound!

Marriage is a glimpse of heaven’s union. The Revelation, calls the Church the Bride of Christ. Thus, your marriage should reflect that sacred connection, characterized by love, faithfulness, and intimacy with God. If your motivation is grounded in representing heaven on earth, you will approach marriage differently. You will forgive faster, love deeper, and serve more selflessly.

• Can I manage this person sacrificially, as Christ manages me?
• Do we share a vision for life, faith, and family?
• Am I ready to serve, not just to be served?
• Is my desire to marry rooted in divine purpose or personal pressure?

Angela, a woman in her forties, shared her story during a church seminar. She married at 27 because “it was time” and “everyone was getting married.” Ten years later, she was divorced, not because of abuse, but because “we never had a reason to be together except that we didn’t want to be single.” She tearfully encouraged young believers: “Don’t marry because you feel incomplete. Marry because you’ve found someone who makes you more whole in Christ.”

Dear reader, marriage is not the destination. It is the start of a divine partnership, a living testimony of God’s love to the world. Before you walk down the aisle, clarify your reason. A clear purpose is the compass that keeps marriage alive when feelings fade. When your motivation is right, the right person will come at the right time.